Diary

"Had it been another day I might have looked the other way"

Dear Diary,

I opened a new key in my visual composing. I gained A-major back, haven’t been able to use it in 11 years. Someone came and took my broken eyes, turned them back to me and the light he reflected made me see again. It’s amazing. Have you noticed that people smile? They hold hands? Like before I met this incredible person, all I saw around was crying babies and dying birds, like things that are beyond consolation or help - now time is standing firmly on its own feet again, without me having to lift or carry it, difficult to explain… Like I can move smoothly in time and space, no need to push it, I just… glide.


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Took a decent picture. It’s about love, snow angels and eternal light. I look quite beautiful in it. Hadn’t noticed that before either. Long exposure, 15 seconds, I think I lost two or three toes while standing in the snow, I am not sure yet. We’ll see.

I actually shiver, random tears of joy touch my headphones as I am listening to music while writing this - I have always loved ”I’ve just seen a face” on Help! (by The Beatles) because of its incredible rhythm and beat, like it’s just one of those super tunes to listen to while you dream about finding the love of your lifetime by looking outside the bus window and someone would just stand there and you’d know. I have scanned the crowds for over a decade, but hadn’t seen the face. I just knew, that when the time comes, I know. Without hesitation, being in zenith of calm, like I could take it as a fact. I’ve just seen the face.

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Besides me having found a soulmate, other incredible things have happened too. All this took place in Helsinki last week, the filming also in Joensuu where I live, gonna talk about it later, just hold on… An American film-director found my works (!) online and he emailed me some time ago whether or not I’d be interested in making a feature length documentary about me, as he really liked my stuff - he had also stalked some of my videos on Facebook, which he found fascinating, so he actually flew from London to Helsinki to meet me, and then later took a train to this dead-end town Joensuu in Eastern-Finland to film, and it was great. I mean, CRAZY, in its superlative, so intense, so challenging, so rewarding, so… new to me. The documentary will be released internationally and despite my awful fearfulness of cameras (and people) the director said I did good job in the interviews!


Going quite well for a small-town girl, huh?

X,

Leena